5 of comics most ridculous superhero costumes.

11 May

As I stated many a time on the T-Shirt spotlights, I am no fashion god, I am totally happy in my “classic” skinny jeans + nerd top combo. However in the world of make-believe, fantasy and continuity problems aka comics, it seems to be that the fashion police aren’t just taking a long break, but someone or something has killed the entire force and defecated on their law books. Superheros don’t always make the best choices in the wardrobe department, be it for impracticability, simple colour clashing, taking a gimmick and riding that sum’bitch into the ground or just being so offensive to the eyes and brain you’d rather take the defecation from earlier said fashion police law-book and rub it into your eyes. Ladies and nerds, I present to you 5 superhero costumes you’d rather rub poop into your eyes then actually look at.

5. Tyroc

Wait, did you steal Dazzler's costume?

Nothing connote fear like an angry black man who clearly forgot disco died forty years ago. Jesus dude, close your legs, this is the cover, kids will see this.

4. Penance

All he wants is some friends on his MySpace.

So in Marvel’s big lead up to the massive event that was Civil War, Emo was fashionably in, and Marvel was lacking a superhero that spoke to the generation of eye liner, feelings and crappy poetry about some girl who pretended to like all your just as crappy music. So they created Penance, formally Speedball, by having Nitro explode, kill six hundred and twelve people and make everyone, Speedball included believe it actually Speedball. From all that insanity Penance was born, using six hundred and twelve individual, internal spikes in his costume for everyone he killed, the pain from these ripping his skin open activates Penances powers. That’s right kids, self harm = superpowers! Way to go Marvel.

Now as this piece is about costumes let me note two things. One, f*!@ that crotch piece, never sit down and never lean too far forward.  Two, the mask, it has no eye holes, how the hell does he see? Surely he is trying to make up for the fact he just killed six hundred plus people, using superpowers whilst blind is surely going to ramp that number up significantly. Way to go Marvel.

3. Wolverine (Excluding X-Force)

I'm the best at what I do...looking bad-ass in canary yellow.

Yeah, that’s right. I picked Wolverine, what you going to do about it? My power increases with every drop of your fanboy tears…

I am a massive Wolverine fan, however I have always had an issue with his fashion choices. The man is meant to be a stealth killer and tracking expert, yet he is running around wearing bright canary yellow, with ocean blue detail! Plus it looks shiny, so if any light happens to reflect off that sucker the jig is up, everyone knows who you are and where about you and your bright yellow ass happens to be. His X-Force uniform made a little more sense, grey and black for the shadows, a tad more stealthy, but still had the weird head fins that make even less sense then Wolverine’s colour choice.

2. Galactus

Look at that hat! Gaga 'aint got S!*% on Galactus!

Where do I start? The hat, the bow like chest piece, the kilt, the ribbed boots? All awful. It’s obvious that the big G never got one of his many heralds to do him a bit of personal shopping. He looks like he got dragged through Seasame Street and just grabbed what ever garments he could find.

1. Codpiece

*insert penis compensation joke here*

…his junk shoots laser beams. Wow.

There you have it. 5 superhero costumes that are plain ridiculous. Got anymore suggestions? Can you think of anyone I might have missed? Comment below

Follow me on Twitter at @ObviousPrime

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2 Responses to “5 of comics most ridculous superhero costumes.”

  1. Simon May 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm #

    Very surprised (and glad!) that you left Daredevil alone!

  2. Ben Burdett May 17, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

    No way is Codpiece a real superhero!

    *googles*

    Heh, he is. Carry on.

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